sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
