I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
