ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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