How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
