just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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