I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
