I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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