If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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