We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
