A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.