Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet