Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

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(502): Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!! http://tfl.nu/qcph

Replies (42) Good night (1053) Bad night (20213)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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(765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc

Replies (37) Good night (6922) Bad night (1643)
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(813): View more from Florida

The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

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(813): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you" http://tfl.nu/44qj

Replies (14) Good night (7162) Bad night (833)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

when did we get a doorman?

(203): View more from Connecticut

we were also in the wrong building...

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(203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke

Replies (15) Good night (6938) Bad night (1037)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Mattress luging...It's a long story.

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(503): Mattress luging...It's a long story. http://tfl.nu/0tlk

Replies (5) Good night (3216) Bad night (755)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.

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(443): Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed. http://tfl.nu/vazj

Replies (8) Good night (2294) Bad night (1012)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

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(505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w

Replies (12) Good night (820) Bad night (2471)
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(212): View more from New York

The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

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(212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0

Replies (7) Good night (2033) Bad night (910)
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(248): View more from Michigan

What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.

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(248): What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy. http://tfl.nu/0mlh

Replies (14) Good night (2315) Bad night (916)
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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2

Replies (5) Good night (2194) Bad night (630)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep

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(860): You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep http://tfl.nu/5kc4

Replies (4) Good night (1093) Bad night (445)
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(325): View more from Texas

We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."

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(325): We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget." http://tfl.nu/mx4s

Replies (4) Good night (1878) Bad night (492)
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(813): View more from Florida

I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.

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(813): I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free. http://tfl.nu/oqtb

Replies (3) Good night (1042) Bad night (497)
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(585): View more from New York

we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT

(1-585): View more from New York

Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.

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(585): we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT (1-585): Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink. http://tfl.nu/wawv

Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (253)
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(281): View more from Texas

There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.

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(281): There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/kh9k

Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (242)

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