Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left