I am full of burrito and curiosity
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?