Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
