dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this boner is exhausting
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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