On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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