Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
