I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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