I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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