i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
