I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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