That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
