it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's never too late to be topless.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
