At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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