I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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