Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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