he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
