Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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