Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
