i permit you to call me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
