Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
