She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
