just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
