I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
