so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize