don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
