It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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