I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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