You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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