my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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