my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
