My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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