1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
