In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
