Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
