It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
