On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
