he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His nipple licking is glorious
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