he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
