i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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