I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
