can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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