In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
