piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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