And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
