He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
