its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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