I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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