I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
