if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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