You made me cry and you don't even care
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
