I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize