Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
